Last post I talked about the epiphany I experienced at seven years old while preparing for my first communion. I focused on the kicker, though: having to have an informed conscience. Usually when I tell that I story I focus on how the sky seemed to open up and the sun shone more brightly when I was given the power to decide for myself what is a sin. My childhood up to then had been mostly about feeling bad about myself, not okay and always doing something wrong. Some may think that it was a result of going to Catholic school but it was really about my family. Anyway, the freedom I felt guided me through the rest of my childhood.
At some point, probably about the time I discovered my sex drive I became aware of the way people instruct certain values but in their lives behave very differently. All of this and much else made very angry and isolated and unwilling to share myself with… anyone. Pure defense. I was an invisible man. In my isolation I began to pursue an “informed conscience” after the caveat given by Sr. Andrea. And in that pursuit I discovered Thomas Merton, Teilhard de Chardin, Julian of Norwich and many other mystics of the church. I also discovered Richard Rohr who teaches along the lines that I found for myself.
What surprises me the most though is that I was turned on to Pope Benedict the XIV’s book “Introduction to Christianity.” I expected something very reactionary but what I found was a scholarly treatise on the Apostle’s Creed that explains how the Creed came together to define the foundation of Christianity and how it evolved up to our time. Cardinal Ratzinger, cardinal when he wrote it, was very forthcoming about the problems of the church throughout history and hopeful about how the Church still Has much to offer people as a path into the future. The best part is that his vision also is very similar to the one I sussed out for myself.
God Is good.
PEACE and LOVEYA, RON
Camel Through the Eye 