Making big mistakes with new friends and old friends who have changed. I think that any one of us can have that kind of experience when we enter into new relationships. Developmentally, relationships are the crucible within which we are formed as persons. They make us who we are. The ultimate relationship is the one we have with God and it is almost impossible to understand that who we really are; as Thomas Merton would say “our true self’ is formed in our relationship with God. There are never any misunderstanding of us on God’s part, only accommodation to what we bring to the divine table as we seek our true selves in communion with God. We, on the other hand, misunderstand a lot; not a problem with God but boy does it mess up or human relationships and sense of self.
Patty and I went to see the Dylan film “A Complete Unknown” the other day and really liked it. We didn’t learn anything about him that we didn’t know but the movie altered some perspective about what things must have been like for the man who was in no way prepared for the things people imposed on him.
This is a picture of a puzzle I’m working on. It’s a hard puzzle. And it strikes me that it is a pretty good metaphor for figuring out who we are dealing with in a new relationship, especially when the other person is really different in fundamental ways from ourselves. This puzzle has no traditional border or frame, as it were, that sets boundaries. The pieces are shaped very differently from most puzzle pieces ; it’s made of wood; and the color swirls make matching up pieces to pieces very difficult. So in figuring out the puzzle there is a lot of trial and error and a lot of “false fits.” I have injured my neck (due to pre-existing condition) attempting to put this puzzle together.
Now imagine that in a relationship you and the other person are both trying to put together the puzzles that each of you are and the conditions above are what you’re both working with. Lots of mistakes, misunderstandings, miscues and miseries. This is why we need mercy and forgiveness, especially if, in order for you to complete your puzzle you have to complete the other person’s puzzle too. The pain in my neck is a pretty good metaphor for what you can experience in this situation. It’s my own fault and yet I do want to complete the puzzles.
PEACE and LOVEYA, Ron
Camel Through the Eye 