I have tried to share and elicit thoughts/ feelings/ attitudes from my brother about the whole ger/ stranger thing. Even though my experience of being a stranger is less profound that Ger’s, we both came up in a nomadic family and were strangers in new places over and over. My brother is an extrovert so this constant newness seemed less problematic. He could always meet people but he hardly ever made lasting friends. The pain of always losing people that we had connected with and grown close to and never got a chance to grieve has been with both of us. My luck or blessing is that over time I was more able to develop friends that stuck.
When I reach out to Ger and inquire what his experience was/ is, he is unwilling or unable to tell me. Probably a little of both. My own experience is that I have had to work very hard as an adult to learn to recognize my feelings experience, learn how to articulate it and learn how to be vulnerable enough to share it. This is still all pretty hard for me. I can manage it with a couple of trusted friends and with my kids for the most part. I try to be vulnerable enough with Ger in the hopes that that will help him to think about and share his experience. So far – no success. But he doesn’t shut me out and I take that as progress.
Now I know that there are many people who grew up nomadic and they are much healthier than we are emotionally. There are also many, maybe many, many more people who were even less emotionally health than we because of other issues within the family unit. Our family had issues, for sure, but they did not involve serious physical or any (as far as I know) sexual abuse. So you could say that we were blessed in that way. We were all raised with a connection to God, to Jesus the Christ and to The Holy Spirit, for which I and all my siblings (7) are grateful. Those connections are that which has allowed us to be in the healing process.
It’s a good thing too, because without that healing, my current relationship would be a disaster. My wife, who is widely seen as a saint amongst friends and family struggles with me. I get it. I am difficult. But my process allows me to fail and keep trying to care for someone who always does her best by me and seldom sees any response beyond a shrug. I am learning from her how to be better responsive. Slow process but she doesn’t give up. A Woman of Valor.
PEACE and LOVEYA, Ron
Camel Through the Eye 