Years ago I had a life crisis that forced me to look at my self and who I thought I was. That started me on a journey of re-assessing my perceived self on a regular basis – mostly because small crises continue to arise. I learned that though the facts of my self narrative don’t change much, my understanding/ the meaning, of those facts and of my narrative do change. So now, approximately 40 years after the 1st crisis my self understanding has undergone a lot of change and as a result I feel much more whole than I ever had. I am so grateful for all those crises, small and large, that brought growth to me, evolving me as a person into someone I like.
Recently, my wife, Patty, and I had a small crisis, that caused her to look again at her self narrative. She is a remarkable woman. I know that taking stock of her story was painful for her but she did not flinch. She is quite courageous and a very loving person. When Patty realized that her understanding ow her own self identity was in need of revision she did it. She hah talked to every person that she needed to speak with, to assist with her in even better self-understanding. Now, I am used to this sort of thing so the process for me is not quite as formidable. For Patty, it was more of a challenge but when she begins a project she gets it done. No doubt there will be other occasions for her to do a life review but this was the big one.
We all need to do narrative reviews, preferably on a regular basis. Ignatian/ Jesuit spiritual practices give us a very good tool for continuing awareness of our self understanding called The Daily Examen. In years past, Catholics had devolved the Examen into a kind of examination of conscience before going to confession. These days, we have returned the Examen to a examination of consciousness. In other words, a toll to see where in our day we have become more wholly alive and where we have diminished in our aliveness. Another way to say that is: where have come grown closer to our true selves (Thomas Merton’s term) and where have we slipped away from our true selves. If we also have a spiritual director or friendly mentor with whom to go over the examen we are doing ourselves a favor.
12 step programs have a similar tool and process with their 4th step: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves; and 10th step: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admit it. I love the 12 steps. They work for anyone whether the have an addiction problem or not. In my opinion 12 step is the most powerful spiritual practice on the planet that is available to any person. It doesn’t require a church but it does require people who support each other in their spiritual practice.
My personal inventory at this crisis was more or less easy for me because I have had to do it so many times. Patty has not but she really went after it. And continues to do the work. I really admire that and I am grateful to have a partner that I can count on to help me with mine.
PEACE and LOVEYA,
RON
PS: Really old photo of us. I somehow lost most of my more recent pictures.
Camel Through the Eye 