A week has gone by since my last post. That is the nature of processing an experience. Two things have happened. 1) Wakana was finally freed up from holiday busyness to impart the message she had received for me. The gist of which is: that I get clogged up, due to the nature of my work most likely, with other people’s energy and that I need to practice a discipline of clearing out that energy and strengthening my own. Good advice. Discipline. One of those words nobody likes to hear. But she is no doubt right. So I am working on that.
2) I realized that my first ceremony was spent dealing with a very primitive paranoia that I thought I had left behind a long time ago. It was the first thing I needed to work out, though, if I want to develop my own emotional/spiritual life. The paranoia was around the sense that I can’t worship the Trinitarian God and and participate without condemning myself to hell in Ayahuasca work. It comes from almost my infancy. It’s a false choice, of course. But my infantile self was not able to recognize that and move on to work with Mama Aya. And when it came time to debrief our experiences, I was too ashaned to tell what had really happened. As a result, I did not get what I might have from working with Mama Aya. Thus I am “processing” which is what people with counseling backgrounds are familiar with. Reinforcing my sense that Mama Aya works with us around our own spirituality.
What I know is that God the Creator made all things good and any evil that comes from our world comes from inside us. I was prevented with a false choice as a child and still carried it with me. Having processed this now, I know that I would have a very different ceremony experience. I hope to make that happen someday. It is important to know, that the unfinished business we have will be the thing that Mama Ayahuasca will help us work on. It’s a good thing even if it’s a little disconcerting.
PEACE and LOVE, Ron