One thing I know about myself is that I can express my thoughts better when I have an interlocutor. It’s helpful if that person has an openness and curiosity about what I am trying to express. I’ve had one or two of those in my life. Mostly people, even if they are sympathetic, are more motivated by their own thoughts and feelings and dialogue from that perspective.

Lately I find myself reflecting on my life ,life issues, etc. as I read Judaism Is About Love by Rabbi Shai Held. Specifically, I’ve been reading chapter eight which focuses on loving the stranger. At first it held meaning because the biblical word for stranger is ger. When my brother Jerry moved to Israel, a shopkeeper dubbed him Ger. I thought that it was profoundly appropriate for Ger as a convert and stranger in Israel; as one who has always been different, especially as we moved many times in my youth. Always strangers.

Thinking about Ger, though, led me to think about myself and the puzzle that I’ve been trying to assemble all my life. I realize that the lack of roots, community, left us with a real deficit of relational input that could be trusted. For me, the one constant was Catholic school; no matter what town, what parish, what order of sisters taught there, there was a consistency and spirit of love. I did not have, for the most part, the kind of problems with the nuns that many people talk about. Often I received more kindness from my sisterly teachers than I did at home. I have always been very grateful for that.

Home life, as you may have surmised, was somewhat fraught. Neither of my parents were healthy in a their psychology and they protected their assumed egoic identities in unhealthy ways. This environment was the setting in which I developed my own unhealthy psychology. There are other things but the worst was veneer of a false pride, a spiritual pride that has been the bane of my existence but which, for a time, allowed me to function in community. And although I was intelligent I did poorly in school after about the fourth grade. All my higher education was a gift from God. The healthy part of my psychology was the part that God gave me in second grade that put me on the path of informing my conscience. I have never stopped trying to inform my conscience and have never stopped putting what I have learned into practice – as best I can. There’s much more but the interlocking ripples of that disturbance are infinite. Guess I needed to get that off my chest.

PEACE and LOVEYA, Ron

Making big mistakes with new friends and old friends who have changed. I think that any one of us can have that kind of experience when we enter into new relationships. Developmentally, relationships are the crucible within which we are formed as persons. They make us who we are. The ultimate relationship is the one we have with God and it is almost impossible to understand that who we really are; as Thomas Merton would say “our true self’ is formed in our relationship with God. There are never any misunderstanding of us on God’s part, only accommodation to what we bring to the divine table as we seek our true selves in communion with God. We, on the other hand, misunderstand a lot; not a problem with God but boy does it mess up or human relationships and sense of self.

Patty and I went to see the Dylan film “A Complete Unknown” the other day and really liked it. We didn’t learn anything about him that we didn’t know but the movie altered some perspective about what things must have been like for the man who was in no way prepared for the things people imposed on him.

This is a picture of a puzzle I’m working on. It’s a hard puzzle. And it strikes me that it is a pretty good metaphor for figuring out who we are dealing with in a new relationship, especially when the other person is really different in fundamental ways from ourselves. This puzzle has no traditional border or frame, as it were, that sets boundaries. The pieces are shaped very differently from most puzzle pieces ; it’s made of wood; and the color swirls make matching up pieces to pieces very difficult. So in figuring out the puzzle there is a lot of trial and error and a lot of “false fits.” I have injured my neck (due to pre-existing condition) attempting to put this puzzle together.

Now imagine that in a relationship you and the other person are both trying to put together the puzzles that each of you are and the conditions above are what you’re both working with. Lots of mistakes, misunderstandings, miscues and miseries. This is why we need mercy and forgiveness, especially if, in order for you to complete your puzzle you have to complete the other person’s puzzle too. The pain in my neck is a pretty good metaphor for what you can experience in this situation. It’s my own fault and yet I do want to complete the puzzles.

PEACE and LOVEYA, Ron

Just watched a movie from 2002 called The Banger Sisters on Hulu. The stars are Susan Sarandon and Goldie Hawn with Geoffery Rush. Not sure why I never heard of this movie because it’s pretty damn good for this kind of movie. It explores the person we happen to be now with who we happened to be when we were in our early twenties. A lot of it (as movies of this nature tend to be ) is contrived. But the truth of it is real.

My wife, Patty, and discussed the merits of Goldie Hawn’s ass compared to Susan Sarandon’s. My personal favorite is Susan’s. Patty likes Goldie’s better. But that’s a sidetrack. What really matters is how we have integrity as persons through the years.

I am of the opinion that most of us sell out to the society we live in: go along to get along as it were. Sarandon’s character does just that. On the other hand, Hawn’s character has clung to her inglorious past. She realizes that (having reached the end of the groupies shelf life) there is nowhere to go but back . So she tries to find her old friend Suzette. Suzette has become a suburban mom with suburban mom problems. ( I hope you understand – if not, read no further.

Hilarity ensues. Also questions regarding who we are – really. That is what this blog is all about. I would like to say that I have the answers and know what it is all about. In reality,I am trying (At my age) to figure it out. Why I’m grateful for this movie. We are all trying to figure it out. Anyway, those of of us who believe in something more. in the movie,Geoffrey Rush says it best when he tells Suzette (Goldie) That she has integrity. (As many grains of salt as you need, to throw over your shoulder.)

At this point, I just want to say: watch the movie; see what comes up in you.

PEACE and LOVEYA,

RON

As I have gone along through the years trying to inform my conscience I have found my truth in all sorts of places; science, movies and books of fiction and non-fiction such as history, a friend (or enemy) sharing some insight, the news and often reading the mystics – mostly Christian mystics. I recently read a review and subsequently bought a copy of Judaism Is About Love by Shai Held. Held is a mystic of the (obviously) Jewish tradition. And the Jewish tradition is the foundation of the Christian tradition.

Chapter one is about how we are loved – by God – and the implications of that. Near the end of the chapter, Held talks about humility. How humility requires that we know our own self worth. That means, of course, that we know that we are not the center of the universe but also and equally important, that we know we have particular gifts to help us become the people God put us on earth to be and to share those gifts around. Were called to this particular time and place for that purpose. We are whole human beings with strengths and weaknesses and we are loved as we are and are called to love others as they are; to share the gifts that we have been given.

Held says that to believe that we are not worthy is to give ourselves permission to behave in unworthy ways. I never thought of that. It raises a big issue with me, though. Because Patty is often telling me how good I am at this or that. My response is generally that she is wrong. But that confidence that Patty has placed in my worthiness has forced me to finally ask of myself what I am good at. I seriously, and sadly, can’t figure it out. I have lived my life and know pretty well that I have accomplished nothing except to get old. And yet I am assured by rabbi Held and my wife (and my belief system) that I must be (worthy) good at something. Part of the reason that I am writing this blog is to help me to figure out what I am good at and how I live up to my God given worthiness.

When we are created in a particular time and place it’s because God needs us in that particular time and place to assist in God’s on-going Creation. Shai Held made me think about my life in a different way. It is important that I am here, now, making a conscious effort bring creation along. Sharing the gifts I have been given is how that is done and one thing I am good at is knowing that love is the basic gift to us all and making the effort to grow in and share with everyone the love that I have been given.

PEACE and LOVEYA, Ron

Last post I talked about the epiphany I experienced at seven years old while preparing for my first communion. I focused on the kicker, though: having to have an informed conscience. Usually when I tell that I story I focus on how the sky seemed to open up and the sun shone more brightly when I was given the power to decide for myself what is a sin. My childhood up to then had been mostly about feeling bad about myself, not okay and always doing something wrong. Some may think that it was a result of going to Catholic school but it was really about my family. Anyway, the freedom I felt guided me through the rest of my childhood.

At some point, probably about the time I discovered my sex drive I became aware of the way people instruct certain values but in their lives behave very differently. All of this and much else made very angry and isolated and unwilling to share myself with… anyone. Pure defense. I was an invisible man. In my isolation I began to pursue an “informed conscience” after the caveat given by Sr. Andrea. And in that pursuit I discovered Thomas Merton, Teilhard de Chardin, Julian of Norwich and many other mystics of the church. I also discovered Richard Rohr who teaches along the lines that I found for myself.

What surprises me the most though is that I was turned on to Pope Benedict the XIV’s book “Introduction to Christianity.” I expected something very reactionary but what I found was a scholarly treatise on the Apostle’s Creed that explains how the Creed came together to define the foundation of Christianity and how it evolved up to our time. Cardinal Ratzinger, cardinal when he wrote it, was very forthcoming about the problems of the church throughout history and hopeful about how the Church still Has much to offer people as a path into the future. The best part is that his vision also is very similar to the one I sussed out for myself.

God Is good.

PEACE and LOVEYA, RON

My wife and I went to see Conclave this afternoon. I don’t know why but Patty decided to see what Catholics are saying about the movie. Conclave is based on a Robert Harris novel and is basically about the political machinations among the College of Cardinals who want to ensure a particular future for The Church. Lots of good actors; Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow and Isabella Rossellini to name the actors most of us would recognize. It was a good movie in every respect with a surprising twist at the end that made me laugh and say “yeah!”

As you might imagine, among Catholics there are many opinions ranging from “right on” to “blasphemy” and “filled with anti-Catholic prejudice.” One priest who holds those vies didn’t even understand the twist at the end. I wish I could explain but I want to avoid plot spoilers.

Because what’s really important here is that this priest has no sense of the beautiful complexity of the world, of nature and how God,The Judeo-Christian-Muslim God of Abraham, does not follow the rules that we have created regarding what is real. My idea of God’s law is: GRAVITY. That is an immutable law and even that seems to work one way here on Earth and another way on the moon. But as we know from science – it’s just the different circumstances that makes it seem different; mathematically, GRAVITY works the same everywhere. Another example of God’s law is: THE SPEED OF LIGHT. It’s immutable.

People who think that The Catholic Church is the arbiter of what God wants or anyone who thinks he or she knows what God wants, whatever their faith or lack thereof are people who take selfies leaning out over the Grand Canyon. They may not fall to their deaths but only because God is good and puts the odds in our favor. However, in the long term, these folks are creating the conditions of divide in our world that will, sooner or later, send us all over the brink.

As difficult as it is, the only solution is the solution that Jesus offered; to love one another as he loved us. that may make enough difference that we may all break bread together and then go out and take care of the very real problems that, if not dealt with, will send us all over the brink. GRAVITY and LIGHT will remain.

I woke up this morning ready to rant. I had to do my reading, praying, meditating first and was reminded that ranting does little good. Better to become lovingly aware of the world we live in and how I might better live in it. It’s kind of a painful process because I first have to become aware of my failure to truly see the world. Fortunately, the CAC’s daily reflection for today reminded me that we’re all in this together; strife does not help it hurts, compassion toward all is the only we any of us will truly get through the planet’s dire straits. https://cac.org/

Ranters tend toward authoritarianism whether they are on the right or the left. Ii know that I have to step into some other place – a place that Jesus called “the kingdom (reign) of God; where love of neighbor and of all creation takes precedence over everything and brings about real change. I have so much to learn and so little time (I’m 76 almost 77.) I have met some real wise young people – 1/2 my age who are already doing what I wish I had know to do when I was young. People caring for Sister/Mother Earth; people caring for the poor and broken with true empathy and compassion. My son keeps a couple of blogs going (I read his beer blog) and I am often impressed by his reflections on the world. He does tend to rant – don’t know where he got that – but never the less, he often writes beautifully about taking care of his friends and the poor and broken. https://apintfordionysus.wordpress.com/

So all I’m saying this morning is that even though anger is pretty much what gives me the energy to write this blog it the creative energy of love that will sustain my commitment over time. And what sustains the creative energy of love is hanging with people who practice compassion, meditation, prayer and indulging in music, movies, books and anything that embraces and lives out “God’s kingdom” in day to day life. Some of the most loving people I know are not Christian, some are atheists, yet they live in God’s kingdom and share it with me – and everyone.

A true rant would end with “Piss off y’all,” but I say to you:

PEACE and LOVEYA, Ron