Friday Afternoon


Above is the rainbow that appeared in the sky shortly before we set off for the second ceremony. I took it as a good sign – and, indeed, the whole experience last night was very positive.
After the first ceremony I had been made aware of something in me that wanted to be born. As I told Dan and Leroy, it felt like a baby elephant – past it’s due date. Then, after I went to be and was trying to sleep, I was given a sort of Lamaz instruction on breathing and a mantra to help. Last night, though I remember little of what the journey was about, I know that the breathing exercises and the mantra helped me through. One of the intention cards I had drawn was about sacrifice. I was led to allow the joint pain that I often have when lying down to become a sacrifice for others in the room. In our debriefing, others reminded me that sacrifice is also about making sacred and that pain often accompanies healing. That’s the value of a debriefing with the other ceremonial attendees. I heard other attendees attest to healing that they had received and to being encouraged to take their spiritual journey the the next appropriate place.

Dan story was about receiving a tool to be make more compassionate assessment of himself and his experiences. All in all a very positive experience for him.

Leroy experienced the profundity of how the medicine actually works and with a second dose he was able to pick up pieces of himself that had been hidden away for a long time. The whole experience “satisfied my craving for how this all works as well as showing me to the full potential of the medicine and how deep it can go.”

Tonight we are scheduled to have dinner with Anya and Chichi. Anya is the person who made this connection to the Ayahuaca healing possible. Chichi is her husband. We are all looking forward to that and, fortunately, we are not so wiped out this time that we will be able to enjoy it.



Thursday Afternoon:


Above is the river we will cross this evening when we return for our second Ayahuasca ceremony. I don’t know the name of it and I don’t know how to ask.

Dan and Leroy are looking forward to this night and what it will bring to them. The Shaman tells me that I have resistance and need to quit resisting. I honestly don’t feel like I am resistant but we all know that there are things that go on deep in our psyches that we are unaware of. My plan is to do my best to let go of or explore or whatever I need to do to get past the resistance (easier said than done.)
Leroy has a son named Cortez (I am honorary godfather) who was born with a major disability which makes communication difficult. Leroy has long felt that he has been missing something by not being able to understand Cortez’s spirit. So Leroy has set a goal of being able to make that connection and to make it lasting.

Dan has long made negative judgements about his self. His goal is to learn to be more compassionate toward himself. So we all have bridges to cross and below you will see one of the bridges that we use to get to the ceremonial venue. I truly hope that the metaphorical bridge I have to cross does not collapse under my feet.


Wednesday Evening

Just about 24 hours ago we began our first Ayahuasca ceremony. We did not complete until around noon today. The ceremony itself consists of coming together as a group. There were 12 of us including the shaman and two helpers. Sort of standard fare with each person introducing home/herself and then stating the intention they had for the ceremony. Rapé was administered then we prayed and had a under meditation. One by one then, we were called up to drink the Ayahuasca. We settled onto our mats, listened to the music that was provided, closed our eyes and let “Mama Ayahuasca” get to know us, show us visions and help us to move toward achieving the intentions that we had set out. It’s a long night.

People struggled to overcome their own resistance to the changes they were attempting to achieve. My personal intentions involved dealing with fear and vulnerability and connecting with my roots. As the visions came on I felt a lot of fear. I tried to understand why I felt so torn between the healing I was being offered and old ways of believing. I know that God is a loving Creator and mother as well as fathers to us all but I struggled with fear of the unknown and prejudices I have had ingrained in me since childhood.

Eventually I settled into an internal dialogue that helped me to better understand the dynamics of my root relationships and to experience compassion and new understanding for my parents, children and others whom I have loved intimately. I was able to see where I had hurt others in ways I had not realized and look for ways to make amends. Leroy faced extreme challenges to his spirituality and found ways to deal with them effectively. Dan seems to have had the most fun connecting with his inner six year old.

We were all emotionally and physically wiped out by the long night and hard spiritual work. We had breakfast together, debriefed the ceremony, heard the wisdom of those who have gone through this before us, cleaned the house up and wended our way home to take a well deserved rest. Tomorrow night we do it again with fresh intentions and high hopes for an improved life.




Monday Morning.

So after an arduous journey aboard Copa Airlines to David via Panama City, we rented a car and proceeded to lose ourselves in the Panamanian outback for a couple of hours. Fortunately, Leroy’s stubborn persistence in making his phone connect to local systems, he’d and Dan were able to map our route to the Shaman’s house. Wakana greeted us warmly despite our belated arrival. It was decided among us, that I would be the first to participate in a Siba, which is the preliminary counseling session that determines the goals for the Ayahuasca ceremony and helps Wakana learn how to assist us in the journey. Part of the Siba involves having a mixture of herbs and ash called rape (pronounced rapay) which helps us relax and let a more free-association experience happen. This session lasted three hours. When I was done, Dan and Leroy were back, after securing pour lodgings, to a) pick me up and b) let Dan have his Siba experience. I took a nap. Then we picked up Dan cam back to Boquete and had a delicious dinner at Big Daddy’s restaurant. We played a few hands of cribbage after showing Leroy the game. He held his own but Dan still kicked ass. 

This morning we will do some exploring of town, pick up some needed items and then take Leroy out to Wakana’s for his Siba. In the mean time what I’d like to do is show you the view up the hill from and down in the backyard of our AirB&B: imageimage

The Journey Begins

LeroyDandadandneonThanks for joinYing me!

It is interesting that this turns out to not really be my blog. The quote from Izaak Walton was furnished without my asking. Also, it seems apparent that I can’t add photos from my stash of photos. That may just be my own ineptitude though so I defer complaint ’til I find out otherwise.

My daughter thought that it would be good for me to do a blog so that I would be able to keep[ people who are interested (surprisingly, there seem to be a few of them) informed about my journey to Panama to engage in an Ayahuasca “spirit journey.” This has been something I have wanted to do for some time. Going to Panama is an incidental but the Ayahuasca experience is essential.

What I would like to do at this point is to post photos of my son, Dan, and my friend, Leroy, who are also making this pilgrimage. Unfortunately, if it is possible to do that from my own stock of photos, it is not obvious to me how to make that happen.

For those who wonder about why I would do this thing, I can only say that, over time, I will be explaining that. I would also recommend that you pick up a copy of Michael Pollan’s How to Change Your Mind. It’s a great book on it’s own and it also, fortuitously and serendipitously, explains many things for me. In the future, I’m sure, photos and other things will have been figured out. For now I just will say that I hope that what I post here will be interesting and stimulating; that it will cause thoughtful and heartfelt consideration for your own journey, growth and health.


Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton