That’s DANGER!, my cat. He was a kitten then, acquired after a trip to New York that found my house with squatting mice, upon return. No more mice. Of, course, when you get a cat to solve a mice problem, then you have a cat problem. So it is with everything in life: one thing leads to another and, inexorably, your life becomes something different. I think DANGER!’s name was a warning or at least sign that said “be careful, things are going to get dicey ahead.” And so they have.
So the process continues. I have a regular meeting with my spiritual director on Fridays. This last Friday we met for the 1st time since my return from Panama. Tom was quite interested in my experience, had good questions and even expressed interest in participating in Ayahuasca ceremonies himself. There came a time, though, when I was explaining how my process was going when Tom made an interpretation of it which included a kind of caution to me to understand my experience in a different way. What was clear to me, though, was that Tom had not truly understood what I was saying and also did not understand my need to be affirmed in my experience at this time rather than issued a caution. Normally, when these things happen, I become “resistive.” Wakana recognized this right away during our Siba. In the past, when resistance would raise it’s protective head, I would go silent, get angry and just wait until the pressure passed. This time, with Tom, I pushed back until he understood what I had been saying and as a bonus I was able to claim my need for affirmation at this time, rather than passively (and angrily) accept his untimely words of caution. We both recognized this as positive movement on my part. Something that happened as a result of my Ayahuasca ceremonial experience. It’s embarrassing to say that, at my age, I still have had so little ability to speak for myself in a positive way. And that is another piece of my puzzle that I would not have been able to cop to before my encounter with “Mama Aya.” I have to say I am grateful. I am also a little surprised that something I have struggled with for so long has become workable for me. It still feels dangerous but not in the same way.