Processing

It’s pretty early on a very cold morning in Spokane. Thought that “pretty” describes the photo too, you know?

Processing deeply seems to have been the take-away from the ceremonies. After really trying to figure out what energies were clogging up my own system I came to the conclusion that I am carrying parental energy from, perhaps, infancy. The fact that it comes from so early in my life is why I have been unable to recognize it as not my energy. But once I figured it out and allowed myself to trust my own instincts and detective work on this, I did as Wakana suggested and called on my spirit guides, guardian angels, God Father/Mother, child and Holy spirit as well as few favorite saints to send that energy away  and to help me keep it from sneaking back into my system.

So far it has been working and I find that I am more interested and invested in using my own energy to grow and develop in way that have always stymied me until now. It’s hard work but it’s satisfying work. I find that prayer and people help me to focus both to unravel old energy knots and to make straight the way in the wilderness. I realize that my strongest defense as a child was to practice willful ignorance. How did that help? Not sure of all the specifics but I do know that by having “I don’t know” as a ready response to intrusive questions and (frankly) all other questions I was able to preserve my “self.”

It was a very effective strategy but, unfortunately, i did not have an exit strategy because ” I didn’t know,” right? By the time I was ready or at least old enough to act on my own the ignorance was so knotted up in every aspect of my life that I could not un-knot it. That, I think, is what Mama Aya went to work on during the 2nd ceremony but, of course, out of my ken so that I could learn and grow. NO miracles allowed. That’s fine. I believe in developmental process as the true work we all have to do to evolve the world into the Universal or Christ or Buddha consciousness. God is good.